Once Upon a Time in Cozumel…
A little over a week ago I intended to use this space to shout from the rooftops that my friends the Excons were playing at Swanson’s Warehouse Saturday night with other local favorites of mine Ill Intentions and Psycho Psycho. It was the perfect mixed bill show that Parlor Pinks Events has become masters of and, had I been in town, would have been a great way to spend the waning hours of my wife and I’s 12 anniversary shenanigans. None of this came to pass, however, because we were on a family vacation in Cozumel, Mexico which, while I am hardly complaining about the vacation, it was definitely the opposite musical experience of seeing the Excons to say the least.
To be fair, we did not go to Mexico for the music. We went for the family bonding, sun, fun, and the bottomless pit of food and libations that an all-inclusive resort has to offer. Local cerveza flowed like water (because it is, essentially) as we made memories that will last a lifetime.
But, dear God, the music…
At a Cozumel resort, there are only a few types of music you can listen to apparently. Spoiler alert… none of them are good. First is the “Made for Middle Aged Americans Playlist” which consists of a lot of 1970’s – 1990’s pop rock standards. While I understand the value in Lynyrd Skynyrd, Queen, and the like, it was comical to see day drunk American white women scream out “This is my favorite song!” for the third or fourth song in a row. And Krissa – I know your name because it was airbrushed on your towel – your suntan-lotion-applying sing-a-long performance of The B-52’s “Love Shack” was more suited for the local strip club’s amateur night than the next karaoke night at your neighborhood pub. Just sayin’, Girl.
When the old standards were not pumping through the speakers, it was a constant thump-thump-thump of basslines playing 2AM club music at 2PM in the afternoon. My 22-year-old nephew-in-law said “It’s like Vegas all over again,” as he retired to his room on more than one occasion over the long weekend. Not having Vegas as a frame of reference, my 17-year-old son would simply deadpan “It’s party time again,” before suggesting we move to the pool furthest from the speakers.
Over our trip’s four days, we did encounter two live performances that are now permanently etched (scorched?) into our memories of the trip. The first was a pool side live band that oh so predictably opened with Santana’s “Oye Como Va”. I love Santana as much or more than the next guy but they might as well have opened up with a version of “La Cucaracha” just to get the attention of the stupid Americans cheering on poolside.
The second live show was an in-bar piano performance on our final night at the resort. The Wife had already called it a night but had the misfortune of our room being literally the closest one to the bar possible. As such, she heard every. Single. Awful. Note. I amused myself by sitting at the bar and making a playlist of every song he played <playlist available upon request>, not knowing that I would need it as evidence when my wife asked me “How many times did he play ‘Let It Be’?”. The answer was “just once” but his sound was just one-note enough that her confusion was valid.
That said, he did play Cyndi Lauper’s “Time After Time” twice because that is obviously the one you want to double down on here.
Little Lesley & The Bloodshots; farewell show this Friday the 17th at Smiley’s Acoustic Cafe
Now, here I am, home sweet home. I have to pay for food and drinks again and I actually need more sunscreen as Greenville’s thermostat was officially set to “Gates of Hell” while I was gone. But look at that music lineup, Friends. Radio Room has its usual eclectic weekend of music with The Veldt, Lovely World, and Anvil headlining Friday through Sunday respectively. Parlor Pinks Events keeps up the good work at Swanson’s Warehouse with a Folk Dance Night (Friday) and WTF2 (Saturday) which promises to be as indie and avant-garde as the name suggests.
Brother Oliver; beer release show this Saturday the 18th at Golden Grove Brewery
